Bob Lobel: Do the Patriots Cheat?

By Bob Lobel (@boblobel)

This is going to be one of the most challenging and difficult columns I will ever have to write.

It's not fair, not at all, but I did volunteer to be the one to speak for many who, for one reason or another, could never talk to as many people as this is going require. 

I tell my audience to please sit down and shut up. One must be firm when dealing with an extremely large group who grows visibly upset when they learn I am from the Northeast corner of our nation. Whatever you do, do not mention Boston or any teams that have been so successful around here.   

Especially the Patriots since the last championship belonged to them, again.

The key word in the last sentence was “again.” That word moved the equation from jealously to anger. After you get to ‘anger,” it is a short, but logical, jump to hate. I look out to the vast assembly and say, like the Southwest airline commercial, "wanna get away?” 

Just say yes.

Here is the dilemma: This audience believes one thing. My job is to ratify their belief, so that all the others will be but a stupid cry that has lasted seven months, but this just rekindled the fear and loathing. 

Just how would you define that word “cheat?"

What does someone have to do to get on the “I hate you" list?  

There are hundreds and hundreds who wouldn’t know how to cheat, even if they had “cheating for dummies." 

Ok, I'll get  to it, so buckle yourself in. Find a friend with a "Patriots Suck" shirt, and now we begin.  

Speaking as an elected truth teller, I have tell you, we cheat. We do all the  time.

Why would calling someone a cheat and a liar, and saying that’s what helps them win, be hurtful? I wanted to give the team new jerseys with the  word "cheater" on the back.    

So there! Satisfied?  

Yes, we are on  track for a seminar on the art of cheating and not getting caught.   

Well, now you all know what you believed all along. The only way we could win and, “bingo,” we win again, was to cheat on a level that is the envy of those just learning the craft (or is it Kraft?). 

Heads we win, tails you lose.